It isn't often that I take a moment out of my day to really accent the deeds of one person so that they can be recognized, but, please, allow me the honor of doing so now. After all, it's the least I can do for the person who is single handedly responsible for making me drive all over town today (in holiday traffic, too!) in addition to basically ruining my day. Trust me, you've earned it.
I'm not sure how you managed to get my credit card info, and I sure as hell don't get how you managed to create a forged copy of my credit card (is that even possible?!), but I'm not asking the magician to reveal his secrets, you sly dog! I'm just really impressed at your obvious prowess in the criminal world. If I'm ever up for a career change, guess who I'm calling first?
It's you. I'm calling you, silly! Oh hey, don't forget to send me your number. Address would be nice too. Place of business, too. Social security number?
Oh, and hey, that whole thing with you going to Target (on the north side of town, too. Sneaky!) and running up a $650 charge? Genius. I never would have found out so fast if I didn't have this compulsion to check my credit card statement once a day (strange habit, I know, I've been trying to quit for years). You really got me this time. I owe you!
Incidentally, the Houston Police Department may be calling soon, but that's the only clue you're getting!
American Express is being all weird about the whole thing, though. Reissuing my card, opening up a fraud report (whatever that is), etc. They're even making it so I can't pay for what you bought! I don't think that's fair, do you? After all, it sort of beats the point of you defrauding me if they take all the consequences out of it. Sorry, they're being a real drag. Believe me, I was all like, "Dude, seriously?" Crazy.
Well, listen, thanks again for trying to take what wasn't yours (and dragging my name through the mud, nice touch) and making my day so interesting. I hope your "Playstation 3 and various games" keep you busy until our "friends in the HPD run you thoroughly through the wringer!"
Oh jeez, I keep ruining the surprise! Oh well, no good deed goes unpunished I guess. Later!